2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
