you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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