I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
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