She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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