she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
