I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
