So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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