he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
