if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
