After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
