Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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