i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
