I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
