I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
