Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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