When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
