omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
