she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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