I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
