i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Watching her eat just hurts me
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
