Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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