I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We left an ass print on the piano.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
