He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You are the jesus of drinking
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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