I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
