Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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