Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
