I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I want you more than these girls want KFC
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
