yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
