She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
