you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
