He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
