Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
