I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
