dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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