Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
