I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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