Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
