I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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