There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
