using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
