Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
