Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
