kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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