he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
