My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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