Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
