She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
