I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
