Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
