You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
