I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
one might say we're banned from that church
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
