Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
