Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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