So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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