So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
